The child in the manger....The joy He brings...the Joy of that night...Are the best things really ever things? Are the best gifts just merely physical gifts? Or is it more?
I slow my heartrate down....Take a deep breath. And I can feel it-the slowing, the pulsing, the beating...but that's not all I want to slow down. I want to slow down time-make it still-have more time. More time to bless. More time to give. More time to slow. That's what I need to do with this season. Slow it down. Really stop and think. Meditate. Breathe. Thank.
I sit upstairs quietly alone...at peace. Trying to feel the Lord's presence as I write one more song. As I strum those chords in hopes of finding the right pattern. In hopes of finding the right words. And time slows. It's quiet. I can breathe. And the words come. Softly but surely.
"I'm holding the King of Kings. Watching the Prince of Peace. The One who knew me before I knew Him. I'm holding the Great I Am. My baby, God's own Lamb."
I fall to my knees in the middle of the chapel. In the middle of hearts poured open. In the middle of grace. And I feel hands. And I hear prayers. Whispered. True. Heart-felt. And I cry. Oh how I cry. And time slows. My head races with "sorry"s, my hands stretch high to reach Him. To reach His grace. To reach His mercy. To reach His forgiveness. And I already have it. All of it. I already have Him. But I slow. And I rise. I go back. I sit and I cry out. I feel more hands and hear more prayers. I feel love. I feel loved. And I know I am. He's told me that before. "We love because he first loved us. " (1 John 14:9) "But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, " (Ephesians 2:4). And I give Him myself. I give Him all of me. Once more. Because He is worthy. I am nothing without Him. He is grace and mercy and good and love. He is here. And how long does it take us to realize that? How long til we realize He is enough? And my heart beats open. How hard is it to be open after all you have been is closed? How do you become vulnerable when all you've been was hurt? After so many scars?
We are healed by His scars. We are healed by His wounds. That night on which He was betrayed. That night that He gave thanks. For the good and the bad. He knew He would be wounded, He knew it would hurt. But He took it all so that through His scars we might be healed. We might be remade, renewed, revived. And it's only by His comforting hands that we find peace and mercy and grace and healing. It's only by His love that we find His presence, Him here, Him alwasy-present. And we can always have more of God. We can always want more, because He gives it to us. He gives us all we need. He is always open to us, so let's be open to Him. Let's be God-struck today. Let's be God-desiring.