I'm staring at a blank page...
A canvas for my words...
A place for my heart...
And I feel like there is an expectation... One where I need to write the perfect words. The convicting phrases. The "aha!" moments that I want my readers to get. The moments every writer wants to convict people of. Because we all want affirmation. We all want encouragement. We all want to feel like we are living right. That we are living a life that speaks to others.
Of course, we ARE human. And we WILL fail. But "so what if you life's going to be messy. Perfect isn't the plan. Purpose is." (Ann voskamp)
How often I need to remind myself of that. Because how often I think that I have to better than I am. That I have to strive for something more than I already have. That maybe, just maybe, God isn't exactly pleased with me; that maybe He isn't exactly looking down at me and saying "you're doing well, my good and faithful servant. With you I am well pleased." Because that's what we want to hear. That's what keeps us going - keeps us living - that goal of hearing those words from our Daddy. pleasing someone other than ourselves, because really, pleasing ourself is the hardest person to please.
So how do we live, how do we love, knowing that we are doing this crazy life thing well? How do we remind ourself that we really are doing the best we can?
Maybe that's it. Are we doing the best we can? Are we loving everyone we can? Because trust me, I know, there are people that make love seem like the hardest thing to do. There are times when love is the last thing we want to do. But that's when love is the only thing we can do. Love is the key to the Christian life. We love because He first loved us. We give because He first gave to us.
No matter how we feel. No matter the circumstance. It is our calling.
I have been called into ministry this summer. It is my future. And I couldn't be more excited. But I also have my questions as to how He is going to do it. How is He going to use a girl that has never fit in with people well? How is He going to use a girl that is afraid of flying? How is He going to use a girl that is terrified of public speaking? I don't know... But He does. So I get to trust. And I get to trust that at the end of the day, if I have tried the best I can, and have given Him everything I can, that even if I don't audibly hear Him say "with you I am well pleased", that I know He is my Daddy and I am His Princess. And He loves me. And He loves you.
So, now it's your turn.
He has given you a blank page, an open canvas, this crazy thing called life. How are you going to use it?
"Unless our lives are generous - our faith is starving to death." (Ann voskamp)